Thinking about remaking.

I’ve been thinking so much lately.

(go ahead, make jokes about how I never use my brain or whatever because I’m blonde)

I just really want to skip senior year. I know, it’s supposed to be the ‘best year’ or whatever, but honestly, it’s going to be just as much of a burden as every other year. Waking up, going to school to get teased for not being ‘pretty,’ wasting another year of my life when I know I’m ready for college already. I’m ready to be on my own. It sounds cliche since I am almost 17 & adults think teenagers always go through that phase where they ‘know everything & just want to get away from their parents,’ but I’m being serious. I want to be independent, I want to have to pay for my own bills, manage my own money, & get a job that takes up most of my time. I seriously feel like high school is holding me back. (that sounds so stupid, but it just feels that way) Ever since I moved here I’ve been teased about how I look. Actually, one or two people from real life that follow me have teased me about my “big nose.” IN FACT, one of them said it while standing right behind me. & that exact same person started a rumor, that was so stupid, I can’t believe anyone actually believed her. I remember ever single time someone has put me down. It doesn’t go away. & it just drags you down. I have looked at their tumblrs & it doesn’t seem like they’re that confident in themselves either, so why would they want someone to feel even less confident in his/her self? I honestly will never understand that. But whatever that reason is, is the reason I wake up already having a bad day, knowing it’s only going to get worse.

You know, I used to be really social? I used to always be smiling, & it wasn’t fake. I used to always say hey to everyone & ask them what was wrong. I used to be really caring & nice. I used to worry about people & make sure to get to know everyone. I used to not judge anyone before getting to know them.

Ever since I was put in traditional school (a year after I moved here/8th grade), I’ve been the turtle that never comes out of it’s shell. I honestly could care less about how your day is going, why? Because not one person has cared about mine. I don’t get to know anyone because I know they’ve talked bad about me one time or another. I’d rather talk to the three main people that I do, than have a bunch of friends. I can’t stand living here, I can’t stand waking up knowing I have to go to the school I do, I can’t stand knowing that they even follow me. I mean, if I’m not worth your time in person, why would you follow me? Unless you actually like my blog (which is the only reason I follow people I know), which we all know isn’t true, since not one thing gets reblogged by them.

I don’t know if the people from school just had ‘bad’ home lives or what. But I honestly don’t think any of the military brats I’ve met have ever been so cruel. I miss them soooo much, I miss living on a base period. I miss going to school with most, if not all, military kids. We were all raised the same, all taught the same, & we all had decent home lives.

I totally got off topic. But I seriously don’t want to go through another year at Male. If my parents wouldn’t kill me, I’d drop out, or whatever it takes not to go there. I hate it so much, the thought of it makes me want to get in a ball & cry. I’m ready for this year to be over, then only 12 more years until I’ll be an anesthesiologist, like I want.

Can someone just invent a time traveling machine or something? It would be greatly appreciated.

**& if you actually took the time to read this, I love you.

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Okay, so like in 8th grade, my (step)dad had three heart attacks & almost died. & he’s been having heart problems ever since. So, today he went back into the hospital & they think he had a seizure but they’re not sure yet. So yeah.. I’m kind of freaking out. I’m not even with him.. I’m in Florida. & he’s in Kentucky.

Anyways, my brother’s home alone, & my mom’s staying at the hospital. YOU KNOW HOW PISSED I’D BE IF SHE MADE ME STAY HOME?!? I’d rather be with my dad when he died than be at home talking to friends? I don’t know.. I guess that’s just me..

But this is the second tragic thing that has happened in the last week, so yeah. I’m kind of holding it all in.

Gotta love my sister.

I can’t even rant about my day on tumblr because of the trillion people from real life that follow me.

*I follow people I know too, so I’m not really complaining. I just hate how I can’t rant without someone from real life asking/bothering me about it or telling everyone else about it. Like, it almost makes tumblr pointless.

Is it that hard just to send one text instead of two, or three, or FOUR?!?!?

Like, please send them in the same fucking text. thank you.

I almost feel pretty today.